


Gran's Got Plans

by trekkiepirate



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: F/F, I have an enabler now I'm doomed, M/M, This is going to be so long I can already feel it, so tags may be added, there will be more couples as I go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-12 12:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9070741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trekkiepirate/pseuds/trekkiepirate
Summary: While watching The Last of the Haussmans (a play Taron did right out of drama school, the talented little berk), I was prompted to write a story about what if the crazy old hippie, Judy Haussman, was Eggsy's grandmother. More than that, a meddling grandmother who decided to plan matchmaker for her grandson and his many colleagues.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dashustrik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dashustrik/gifts).



> I AM GOING TO CHANGE THAT TITLE, I SWEAR TO COLLINS
> 
> Judy Haussman was played by Julie Walters and there's some clips of the play on YouTube if you want more context for her. Basically, nutty old hippie woman who has no brain to mouth filter and will discuss sex at the drop of a hat.
> 
> This first chapter is short, I plan to do one couple per successive chapter, so I anticipate this being the shortest of all of them.

Judy Haussman was a quite short, stocky woman with long, messy gray hair and a taste for wearing large t-shirts as dresses.

She was also Eggsy's grandmother and currently standing out like the proverbial sore thumb in Kingsman's tailor shop front, with Michelle and Daisy at her side.

“This can't be little Eggsy,” Judy exclaimed, arms in the air. “Last time I saw you, you were only seven and still wetting the bed.”

Eggsy flushed and Andrew mercifully excused himself to go laugh in the back room where Eggsy wouldn't hear it.

Merlin merely raised an eyebrow and pulled out his mobile phone (all a sham of course, since he could talk to any agent through their glasses) to call Harry and let him know they had a special visitor.

Judy was running her arm along Merlin's bicep and protesting that she wasn't 'special' while Eggsy all but ran to his mother.

“What's Gran doing here?”

Michelle, for her part, looked abashed. “You know how she gets. She was this close to kidnapping you and frog-marching us all to this new commune she's been living at. I'm just glad I convinced her to wear a bra before she was shoving Daisy and me out the door. I had to show her that Kingsman wasn't the-”

“Front for a Fascist governmental spy agency. Or worse,” Judy called from across the room, “another cog in the capitalism machine that we fought so hard against in the '60s.”

Michelle shrugged and twirled her finger near her temple to signify that she thought her mother was loony.

Daisy grabbed the whirling finger and proceeded to use it as a pacifier.

“Gran,” Eggsy said as he approached Judy like he'd approached a dirty bomb just the month before. “Kingsman's all right. They don't mind my accent unless I'm with a client and everyone's just brilliant to me.”

Judy narrowed her eyes. “What about your boss? This Harry character that Michelle mentioned. He a good man?”

Eggsy sighed at the easy truth. “He's the best man I've ever known. Now why don't you, Mum and Dais pop down the road for lunch and I'll join you in five, yeah?”

He started steering his grandmother to the door, sure of this minor victory, when she slipped around his arm and marched up to Harry, coming down the steps from the dining room. “Hello and who is this, as the Americans would say, tall drink of water?”

“Harry Hart, ma'am,” Harry said, giving her a slight bow. “I understand you are our Eggsy's grandmother.”

“I am,” Judy puffed out her chest, either with pride or to try and attract Harry's attention. “Judy Haussman.”

“I see the resemblance,” Harry gave his most winning smile. “Same fire in the eyes. Same bearing.”

Judy tilted her head and silently regarded Harry, who kept smiling.

Eggsy had just reached her side, when Judy turned to him. “Why didn't you tell me you were shagging your boss?”

“Oh god,” he groaned. “Nan, I'm not shagging Harry.”

“For god's sake, why not?” She asked, looking at Harry's now frozen-smile and terrified eyes. “He obviously wants to bugger you over the counter and you light up like a Christmas tree on fire whenever his name is so much as mentioned. Are you both blind?” She turned to Eggsy. “Is it the age thing? Because let me tell you about the love of a younger man for an older-”

Eggsy is not proud that he resorted to clapping a hand over his gran's mouth, but that's just what he did.

“We're going to lunch now,” he announced, a bit too loudly to Harry's left shoulder as he was unable to meet the man's eyes just yet.

Judy was stubborn, but Eggsy was younger and stronger; all she could do was wave at Harry and wink at Merlin as she was led away and out the door.

Harry walked to Merlin and whispered, “I'm not that obvious, am I?”

“To everyone save the object of your affections, yes sir, yes you are.”


	2. Eggsy/Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course Judy's going to start with her grandson. This got both soppier and talkier than I planned, but alas.

“Right,” Judy said as she paced in front of Michelle and Daisy seated on the settee, “what do we know about this Harry character? Other than that our Eggsy is absolutely gagging for him.”

“Mum,” Michelle hissed as she put her hands over Daisy's ears.

The little girl looked up at her mother and reached to put her own tiny hands on Michelle's arm.

Judy shook her head. “We have to figure out what is stopping those two boys from telling each other how in love they are. Is it age? Because I had a much younger lover once-”

Michelle groaned. “Yes, yes, Sebastian. We've all heard it. How can you be so sure Eggsy is in love with Mr. Hart, anyway?”

“Don't you know your child at all?” Judy sighed. “I saw you falling for Lee from the first time you passed him in the park. It's quite obvious.”

“Yes,” Michelle sighed. “I just... I don't know that Harry is right for Eggsy. It's not the age thing, truly. Nor the fact that he's Eggsy's boss; he's never been anything but fair in that position. It's just-”

“It's you.”

Michelle looked up. “What?”

Judy nodded and sat beside her daughter. “Eggsy thinks you'd disapprove of him and Harry, which you clearly do. So he's denying himself this chance at happiness, at love.”

“What makes you think Harry is the right person for Eggsy?”

Judy fixed Michelle with a hard stare. “I assume you have ever been in the same room with both of them at the same time.”

Of course she had. Harry was still cautious around Michelle, as if he knew that his presence was still a hurtful memory. But seeing how he doted on Daisy, how he looked at Eggsy when her son wasn't looking back. Harry looked at Eggsy like Lee had once looked at her. Like he'd rip the moon from the sky for a smile, like he was staring at his entire world. Like Eggsy was precious, cherished.

“Mum,” Michelle said, unable to continue as the truth sunk in. “Mr. Hart... Harry... he could hurt Eggsy.”

“Like Dean hurt you? Or like Lee's death did?”

Michelle swore lightly and hugged Daisy closer. “I can't lose my baby boy.”

Judy patted her daughter's arm. “You won't. But you might if you cause his feelings to be hidden away. Eggsy grew up with that loathsome ex-husband of yours. He knows the warning signs and if Harry were that kind of man, he'd never work for him, let alone love him.”

“I know,” Michelle whispered, watching Daisy scoot off the settee and go use JB as a pillow.

“When your brother Nicky,” Judy said, “ran off with his first boy and your grandparents went spare, I called to make sure he knew that love wasn't a sin. No matter what they said.” Judy sighed. “I know I should have been there and I can't apologise enough for that. Though your sister would like to see me try.”

Michelle huffed a laugh.

“Now I don't know why, but you kids have never been very lucky in love,” Judy shook her head. “You were the closest to being lucky and then Lee died like that. Heroically, but still. Then that bastard came around and ruined the best years of your life. But Eggsy isn't you. He isn't doomed to lose true love or to never find it. That boy was always destined for great things, we knew it the second he was born, didn't we?”

“Yeah,” Michelle smiled, tears forming in her eyes.

“And I think a great love is part of his destiny. Don't you agree, Eggsy?”

Michelle turned quickly to find Eggsy at the threshold of the room.

“Eggsy, how long have you been there?”

“The whole time,” Judy smiled. “Boy treads lightly. Wish he'd teach his uncle that. Nicky plods everywhere, do you know? Like a great tall elephant, silly sod.”

Eggsy stepped fully into the room. “Mum, d'ya mean it? You're okay with... if he wanted-”

Michelle nodded. “He does, because he could always see the best in you, you said. Even when my vision was hazy. I'm okay with Harry and you. Or I will be. Just... be happy, luv.”

“I have to call him,” Eggsy grinned, already pulling his phone from his pocket when the doorbell rang.

“There's Harry the Handsome now,” Judy crowed, bustling to open the door.

Eggsy and Michelle exchanged a look. 

“Did you know-”

“How'd she-”

“Hello,” Harry said, warm smile in place even as he walked into the room like he was suddenly regretting accepting the invitation as the tension in the room hit its breaking point.

Eggsy sent one last look at his mother.

Michelle bit out a small smile and nodded.

“Harry,” Eggsy said as he always did, like it was his favourite name in the world. “Would you like to go out with me tonight? For dinner. But like a date?”

Harry's eyes brightened. “I'd like that very much, Eggsy.”

“Why wait?” Judy said, already handing Eggsy his coat. “Go have lunch. A long lunch. One that does not need to be spent entirely vertical.” She cackled.

Michelle blanched. “Mum!”

“Gran!” Eggsy blushed.

“An excellent suggestion, Ms. Haussman. Lunch sounds perfect,” Harry grinned, reaching to help Eggsy into his coat. “If Eggsy is amenable.”

Eggsy beamed up at Harry. “Very much so.”

Judy shooed them from the house and then tugged Michelle over to the window looking onto the street.

Eggsy and Harry were talking, smiling at each other. Then Harry reached out and kissed Eggsy's hand, intertwining it with his own.

Eggsy leaned up on his toes and placed a gentle kiss against Harry's eyepatch, then to the scar running along his temple, still whispering something.

Judy opened the window and yelled, “Just kiss already, lads!”

Jumping, Harry and Eggsy began to laugh.

Harry leaned down as Eggsy tilted his head up and the kiss was so sweet that even Michelle sighed a little to see it.

“You were right,” she said, as she closed the window and guided her mother away so Eggsy and Harry could have the rest of their first kiss in peace. “It's love.”

“That it is,” Judy said, smiling. “Now, do you think Eggsy will tell us how big Harry's cock is if we ask or should we just continue guessing?”

Michelle ran a hand over her face. “Mum!”


End file.
